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How To Reconnect With Old Friends After A Long Time?

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By Dr. Sandip Roy,

How to reconnect with old friends who became strangers?

Have you ever looked at your phone's contact list and realized there are people you used to be close with, but have lost touch with over time?

It's a common experience, but one that can be fixed.

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Why Friends Become Strangers?

Why We Need Social Connections

We are fundamentally social beings who, by nature, enjoy and need to connect with others.

Research shows strong social relationships are important for our mental well-being and happiness. In fact, having at least one person to rely on is one of the top predictors of life satisfaction around the world.

Moreover, studies also show that emotional and instrumental support can reduce depression levels (Gariepy, 2016; Rueger, 2016; Santini, 2015).

Yet, sometimes these connections fade, and old friends become strangers. Even in this well-connected world of today, we stop reaching out to others.

The Hesitation of Reaching Out

A recent study found that most people are reluctant to reach out to old friends, even though they care about them.

The main reasons are worrying that the friend won't be interested, and feeling it would be awkward after so much time has passed.

However, these concerns are often unfounded - friends we’ve lost touch with appreciate hearing from us more than we think, as this research found.

Making the First Move

The study also found that while people prefer to hear from an old friend, they are less willing to be the one to initiate contact.

Even when the conditions were made as easy as possible, with participants having the friend's contact information and time to draft a message, less than a third of them actually sent it. 

However, those who did reach out reported feeling happier afterward.

The researchers tried different strategies to encourage people, like telling them not to overthink it or to consider how much the friend would appreciate it. But nothing seemed to significantly increase the number of people willing to take that first step.

Treating Old Friends Like Strangers

The researchers realized the hesitation to reach out to old friends was similar to the hesitation people feel about talking to strangers. This made them wonder if, over time, old friends started to feel like strangers.

Warming Up to Reach Out

One technique the researchers found helpful was to have participants practice sending messages to current friends and acquaintances first.

This "warm-up" task seemed to remind people how simple and enjoyable it can be to reconnect. Afterward, about half of the participants reached out to an old friend, compared to only a third of the control group.

Final Words

So don't be afraid to reach out to those old friends you've been missing. Start by reconnecting with a few current friends, then find someone you've lost touch with and send them a message. It may lead to greater happiness for both of you.

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